New Cleaning Lady

So I was very pleased with the work done by the new cleaning lady and her assistant.  Despite her assurances by email that she loved dogs, she took one look at Ruby and shit her fuckin pants.  Not that Ruby is big or anything but I assume now that "dog" to her is something much smaller and fluffier.  She seemed to have no problem with the cat.

It was a bit of a shit show when the crew arrived.  The night before, I had asked the Old Abusive Cleaning lady to return my house key.  She managed to arrive at the very moment that the new cleaning staff were arriving.  AWKWARD.  On top of that, Boozey Neighbour was standing on my lawn in her jammies trying to engage the new crew to clean her house on alternate weeks.  Back Story:  Boozey Neighbour had also employed Old Abusive Cleaning Lady in the past.  So she was caught with her pants down too.

People new to my world have asked me what was wrong with Old Abusive Cleaning Lady and why it didn't work out.    Here is a quick recap.  Old Abusive Cleaning Lady said the following things to me over the course of her career:

"You are too fat."
"You look pregnant all the time.  You have baby in there?"  (and for the record I didn't)
"Your husband travels too much for work.  I think he has a second family in New Jersey."
"You should be skinny for your husband."
"What's different about your boy? (Jack had gotten glasses) Oh, he got glasses.  That's too bad.  You try again for another son."
"It's dirty to let the dog on the couch.  I don't clean it because the dog sleeps on it."
"Why do you feed the dog organic cookies?  You love your dog more than your kid?"
"If I come and live in that cage (the dog's crate) will you feed me organic cookies?"  (She laughs hysterically)
"Your new kitchen is really nice, best one on the street.  But you got ripped off."

This is just a choice sampling of the abuse that I took over the years.  Why you may ask?  Because she was cheap and I was afraid of her.  How cheap?  Like $30 to clean your house CHEAP.

Things really started to unravel when she decided to let my kitten out of the house after I repeatedly told her that the cat was an indoor cat.  It was a terrifying 48 hours until we got Max back and too her credit, Old Abusive Cleaning lady did canvas the neighbourhood looking for him.  But it was never the same after that.

Weeks after, I was over at Boozey Neighbours house, getting drunk one night, of course and there was this other neighbour there whom I didn't know very well.  Second bottle of wine later, Boozey Neighbour asked me how things were going with Old Abusive Cleaning lady and if our relationship had been strained over the whole letting the cat outta the house thing.  (Boozey Neighbour was totally baiting me on this one, now that I think about it.)  Well that lit the match under my booze-induced rage flare up in which I called Old Abusive Cleaning lady every compounded swear in the book.  I even used the C word rather liberally.

Little did I realize that the other neighbour was good friends with Old Abusive Cleaning lady and they were known to go on power walks at night.  And as you can imagine, all this got back to her.  The next week she cancels her cleaning days with me and Boozey Neighbour due to a sore shoulder.  She never came back.  What evs.  I was so over her.

However, my pissy bathroom floor doesn't clean itself. So after four months of neglect and emergency touch ups jobs using Lysol Wipes, I asked my SIL if I could contact her cleaning lady.  And the rest is
history.  New cleaning lady is totally golden and the only insult hurled was her leaving me a note that said she had to charge me an extra hour because I had "sticky dust".  No fuckin kidding.  Who wouldn't after four months.

So hope springs eternal... blah blah blah and my house smells like Vim and Murphy's Oil and all is right in the world.  Fuck you Old Abusive Cleaning lady.